TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN APPLYING FOR A JOB

Since joining my new company about six months ago, part of my responsibilities include managing the general emails that we receive via the website. (no.. im not an IT person.. do I look that nerdy tech savvy to you?) Anyways, whilst the whole purpose of doing this is to manage and answer all inquiries posted about our services, lately we have also had to entertain a lot of job applications via the same web mail (no.. I'm not in Human Resources either.. do I look so overweight and uptight people-centric to you? :P). Since I have to suffer the headache of sifting through tons of these kind of applications that was flooding my inbox, I figured, I might as well share with you some common rules on what NOT to do when applying for a job via email. This is so that you can spare me the emotional trauma by not doing any of the things below! Enjoy! :)

1. Send an email with the attachment "resumeaku.doc" as the file name
   

   Whilst we understand your need to emphasise the fact that it is in fact YOUR resume and not your grandma's, neighbour's daughter's or that hawt stranger you often bump into whilst waiting for the bus's, anybody else's, this is actually just TRYING TO HARD. In fact it could backfire and cause us to think that you may actually have something to hide.
   
   

2. Send an email with the attachment "PERFECT RESUME.doc" as the file name
   

   Don't kid yourself kid! If your resume is really that perfect, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
   
   

3. Use the email drgangstazz@yahoo.com when applying for the position of Medical Officer
   

   Indeed, we deeply understand that we all now live in a crazy cut-throat world and you may feel the need to put up this tough exterior to survive. Nevertheless, our patients may not necessarily sit well with the idea that their physician is a Doctor AND the Godfather Incarnate at the same time.
   
   

4. Use the email hunnybaby88@gmail.com or sweetiegurl_87@hotmail.com or sexybunzz@aol.com for ANY POSITION!!
   

   Do I even have to go into details on this one? :P
   
   

5. Send a cover email as follows, "A'kum, attach kat sini saya punye CV"
   
   Okay, so your mami jarum aunty sister works in the People Capital Division. So you feel that this may get her attention. So you think that being all informal and acting like you are our long lost friend who used to trip us with the see saw at the playground from primary school will get you the job. Whatever! Doesn't work kid! In fact, we wouldn't be surprised if your sister from PCD comes back home and screams at you for this! :P
   
   
   
6. Use a deep red background complete with pink flowers, tiny hearts and butterflies for your CV
   
   Yes, we appreciate the effort. Yes, we think you are extremely creative and can have a successful career as a Singaporean Beauty Pageant Queen an artiste. But as far as healthcare is concerned, you're waaaayyy ahead of your time kid!
   
   
   
7. Send an email with the following subject line " APPLICATION FOR ANY KIND OF VACANCY AT YOUR PLACE/ COMPANY "
   

   We acknowledge the fact that we now live in an extremely trying economic times where some of you will take any job at all!! But hey, we are not exactly a job recruitment agency. If you have no freaking idea of what it is that you wanna do with your life, chances are...we wouldn't too! :P
   
   

8. Send a generic and mass job application email to enquiries@pantai.com.my, marketing@tropicanamedicalcentre.com, inquiries@sdmc.com, inquiries@gimc.com.my etc...etc.. (well.. u get the picture) simultaneously
   

   Whilst we realise that you may be applying to as many jobs as possible upon graduation, we would STILL like to think that we are special and that you are dying to work for us, ONLY us and no one else! If you really do want a job, it would be in your best interest to humour our qualms and stroke our manbits ego just a little!
   
   

9. Send the same job application email eight times within three days!!!
   

   Yes, we can comprehend the urgency and direness of you landing a job ASAP in order to get five pairs of that Paris Hilton sun shades start paying off your PTPTPN loan. But no, theres nothing wrong with our IT system. Our computers and emails are working just fine. But oh..congratulations on successfully annoying and insulting us to a point where we are not going to call you at all!
   
   

10. Pose in a bright pink bathing suit in the swimming pool and use that as your CV picture
    

    You may have been inspired by Elle Woods of the Legally Blonde franchise. But unfortunately for you, the people going through your application at our organisation are not deprived old men but rather overweight and overzealous middle aged single females who may take extreme offense at your flaunting your young, vibrant and excellent figure in their wrinkly pudgy faces :P