10 MUAY THAI COMMANDMENTS

Yesterday, the uber-awesome place where I work was appointed as the official medical sponsor/ treatment provider for a Muay Thai competition called The Road to The Challenger 1 which took place in Sunway Pyramid from 3.00 pm to 10.00 pm. The international exhibition match was held in collaboration with Persatuan Muay Thai Malaysia, as part of the promotion for The Contender Asia Season 2 programme, which will be premiering on AXN in August 2010. As the kuli batak official PR rep and main coordinator of the programme, I had the opportunity to watch a live full Muay Thai match for the first time in my life! I must say, it was a super cool and highly entertaining experience, especially since our medical professionals were kept busy with the continuous injuries of the boxers in almost every round. My responsibilities in the event accorded me with some great privileges such as sitting by the side of the ring which gave me an excellent view of the whole match from every angle. Despite it being my first time, my great vantage point caused my complete immersion in the sport. As a result, I am now privy to the Ten Commandments that have been and should be adopted by contenders and viewers alike. Call it your lucky day because I am sharing these with you!

1. Thou shall not wear pink frilly shorts to compete... and expect to win.
   
   
2. Thou shall not cheer for the little kid in the opponent team... just because he had a super hot coach/ elder brother.
   
   
3. Thou shall also not ogle at the same hot coach/ brother.
   
   
4. Thou shall not incorporate Gelek Gerudi Inul into the Hormat Gelanggang Opening Dance ritual.
   
   
5. Thou shall not fall off the side of the ring....on to the medical doctors on standby.
   
   
6. Thou shall endure the extremely lame jokes (kalau peserta tak ikut disiplin, itu bukan Muay Thai, itu main bantai!!WTF??) and bad English of the emcees even if thou feel like throwing things at them with utmost calm and composure.
   
   
7. Thou shall guard thee's sights and not stare at the crotch area of the extremely sexy and scantily clad contenders.
   
   
8. Thou shall not taunt thee's opponent only to get knocked out within 10 seconds of the first round.
   
   
9. Thou shall succeed in the ultimate test of patience and endurance and resist the urge to show thee's middle finger to the bunch of uncivilised men from that God forsaken Eastern state who were yelling and talking non-stop in that God forsaken accent.
   
   
10. Thou shall bask in the glory and memusing gelanggang dengan gaya yang penuh berlagak nak mampos nationalistic pride by doing 10 push-ups in rapid succession after knocking out the Burmese opponent who happened to be 12 years younger in the final round.