TOP TEN QUESTIONS YOU DO NOT ASK YOUR REAL ESTATE AGENT

Yesterday, one of my dearest friends took the plunge and made what is perhaps the most important decision in his life.

He bought a house. A condo to be exact.

Congratulations Feisal! I'm so proud of you. Nanti buat housewarming jemput aku melantak makanan sedap sedap okay?!! Congrats also to diyanazman for purchasing their first and also dream house late last year. Macam biasa..cepat pindah, buat housewarming masak sedap2 jemput aku melantak!! They are not the first though coz I also have friends my age who are able to collect properties like I collect stamps (err not that I actually engage in this ridiculously boring and nerdy hobby... but you get the picture). Congrats to all of you for leading a good life. I pray that you shall continue to be successful and prosperous. Nanti bila lagi kaya leh belanja aku makan lagi..yeargh! Anyways.. since Feisal started working more than a year after I did, it got me thinking that may be its time I start getting serious about my finances too (jangan asyik nak joli katak jaaa) and invest in a property of my own. After seriously contemplating this idea for all of two seconds I decided "naaahhh.. I'd rather buy a new Coach handbag or an i-phone". Regardless, this whole property mania that has snared my friends has got me thinking about meeting real estate agents and the conversations you SHOULDN'T have with them. Below are some excerpts.

1. I like to sunbathe in the buff on the balcony while singing a Jonas Brothers song at the top of my lungs, will that be a problem to the other residents in this building?
   
   
2. Where is the big store for my bullets, machetes, M16s and dynamites?
   
   
3. I'm actually Batman by night time. Does this place have a walk-in closet big enough for my Batsuits? All 300 of them?
   
   
4. Can I pay half of the monthly mortgage with my pubes? I'm a celeb, they are worth alot of money!!
   
   
5. Can I kill my neighbours if I don't like them? No? How about just causing them some grieve bodily harm? Puuhhhlleeesssseeee!!!!
   
   
6. Isn't this place supposed to come with a toilet robot to wipe your ass?
   
   
7. How thin are these walls and how cute are the neighbours next door?
   
   
8. Say...someday I got super depressed and decide to kill myself...can I die from jumping off the balcony on this floor or will I just break a couple of bones?
   
   
9. If I buy this house, can you promise me that you'd come stay over sometimes? I get very very lonely..
   
   
10. Do you think the next door neighbours will mind if I borrow their underwear from their washing line sometimes? I promise I'll only do it when I'm completely out.