THE SORROW THAT NEVER LEFT

Sleepless night
Painful dreams
Things of the past
Or so it seems

Ultimate pleasure
Blissful contentment
Giddy illusions
Of a heart lay dormant

A world of wealth
A dream of ambitions
Tricks to the mind
That the curse is broken

Strength in numbers
Comfort in kinship
Hippocratic vows
Of meaning so deep

Search of the heart
Purification of the soul
Futile attempts
For a sadness too old

Hope for tomorrow
Believe it's here
Burying the pain
Seemed so much easier

No doubt in my mind
Its finally so clear..
Try as I might
It wouldn't disappear

So you stopped praying
It would go away
And embrace the sorrow
That is here to stay...

THE MIRROR

Who am I?
What do I see?
Is the person staring back?
The girl I used to be?

Who am I?
This smart, confident, beautiful girl?
A picture of utmost perfection
I portray to the world

Who am I?
Drive, ambition, empathy, compassion?
Weariness, dissuasion, coldness, confusion?

Who am I?
What happened to hopes and dreams?
For I'm just lying here in this silence
Giving up with the greatest of ease

Who am I?
I don't even know anymore
There's a haunting voice in my head
It's getting harder to ignore..

Who am I?
It's all form and figure
No depth..no perception
Only lies and empty desire

Who am I?
A mask of happiness
An illusion of contentment
A life-like disguise
You will never know the difference

Who am I?
Will I ever return?
At times I'd give anything to just go back..
To change the path and not get burned

Who am I now?
Who will I be?
Will I ever know for sure?
Or is life just... an oblivious journey?

IN THE DEPTH OF DESPAIR

Foolishness prevails
Dignity .. no avail
Resolve fails
Emptiness trails

Mistakes repeated
Lessons unlearned
Heart shattered
Dreams disappeared

Life astray
Memories fade away
Wasted today
Gone the ray

Living fear
Dead terror
Delved deeper
No answer

Hate imminent
Resent apparent
Bitterness evident
Soul unopened

Hope..mockery
Belief..travesty
Future..obscurity
The end...a certainty

COME WITH ME

Come with me today..
Let us forget this pain and misery
Let me show you the way
Where we can find our new destiny

Come with me right now..
Let us not be resigned to fate
I can show you..just exactly how
Things can be perfect again..things can be great

Come with me tomorrow..
Take your time ..I will wait
Coz I can show you just where to go
Where there's only love..no more hate

Come with me into eternity..
Let us leave this anger behind
Once again we would be happy
And our lives would be just fine

Come with me into oblivion..
We can forget the world we once know
Let us explore new horizons
And enjoy a better tomorrow

A CRYING PRAYER

Dear God please
I don't have no more will to fight
Or suffer those sleepless nights

Dear God please
I can't stand anymore pain
Please release me from these chains

Dear God please
My heart bleeds in this agony
I can't understand this burning misery

Dear God please
How much longer will it take?
Cause I'm just about ready to fall and break

Dear God please
Why did this happen again?
For I did learn..I did refrain

Dear God please
Why do I feel so numb and empty?
Is this how it will always be?

Dear God please
I'm devoid of faith and hope
Just hanging on to dear life on this thin rope

Dear God please
I don't know how much more I can take
Before I lie and never wake

Dear God please
Are you even out there?
Are you looking down on us?
Lending us your ear?
For I've searched for you
From time to time
Looking for some answers..
Looking for the sublime

Dear God please
I don't know what else to do
For I'm nothing but a ghost looking for you..

OUR MAKE BELIEVE WORLD..

Can we pretend just a little while
And say everything is okay
Can we pretend just a little while
Another minute, another day?

Can we pretend just a little while
And watch the clock unwind
Can we pretend just a little while
That I can make believe that you are still mine?

Can we pretend just a little while
To make things what they used to be
Can we pretend just a little while
That your eyes still shine when you see me?

Can we pretend just a little while
That those words.. they didn't cut deep
Can we pretend just a little while
We never cried..we never weep?

Can we pretend just a little while
Our beautiful memories are still here
Can we pretend just a little while
Make all the pain and heartache disappear?

Can we pretend just a little while
That hopes and dreams do come true
Can we pretend just a little while
That yours and mine have and will too?

Can we pretend just a little while
That there will be a better day
Can we pretend just a little while
That this time around..you will stay?

Can we just pretend..just a little while longer
And immerse ourselves in this great fantasy
Maybe someday when the skies are clear
Our stars will shine... our happiness a destiny

THE SMILE THAT DIDN’T REACH THE EYES

I looked at the picture
I saw something amiss
I paused and I discovered
It was the smile that didn't reach the eyes

I searched high and low
For that magic that is lost
There was no more inner glow
It was the smile that didn't reach the eyes

I spoke straight from the heart
Reaching the inner soul
Something was wrong from the start
It was the smile that didn't reach the eyes

I touched that beautiful face
Reaching for a comforting warmth
I recoiled at the cold embrace
It was the smile that didn't reach the eyes

I uttered a silent prayer
And braved the coming storm
I flinched at that cold eerie laughter
Coming from the smile that didn't reach the eyes

I sat in momentary silence
Contemplating what next to do
For the smile that didn't reach the eyes
Have claimed everything that once was you

SOLITARY...

Today I sit in solitary
Not knowing next where I will be
The path behind is filled with misery
The way ahead looks so dark and bleary

Today I sit here all alone
Not having a place to call my own
The past I thought was buried and gone
Resides in my heart and now it haunts

Today I sit in this confusion
Failing to chase away all the demons
My life was once filled with so much passion
They took it away and left me broken

Today I sit lost in my soul
Having reneged all form of control
Once before I was so bold
Now I'm just... so numb and cold

Today I sit without a clue
Not even an inkling of what to do
Never again will I believe in you
You've disgraced everything that I once held true..

IN YOUR EYES

I looked deep into your eyes

I saw what I couldn’t have imagined

The you that I thought was long gone

Was just all along hidden..

I looked deep into your eyes

Mirrored was my pain and fear

I just wanted to hold you in that moment

And make them all disappear

I looked deep into your eyes

And melted wholeheartedly into your embrace

I savoured your touch, relished your kiss

And for the last time... took in that gentle face

I looked deep into your eyes

And glimpse your inner soul

Immortalised are my own feelings

I know for you I would still give the world

I looked deep into your eyes

And saw you looking back

Was that old flame reignited for you somehow?

Or was I just completely off the track?

I looked deep into your eyes

And slowly.. I closed mine..

I held you in a warm embrace,

Cherished your magical caress

And pretended for just one night..

You are still mine

Morning came too soon

It was time for me to let go

I opened my eyes and faced cold realities

For alone again I will be..tomorrow

MANIFESTATIONS

This is a story
That many would come to see
As just another adventure
For the everyday you and me

We talk about love
We all went through the feeling
We felt that happiness from up above
But we have also been left broken and reeling

We pursue our goals
We strive with drive and ambition
Sometimes we lose our focus
And with that we fail our mission

Sometimes we had no expectations
That's when we are pleasantly surprised
We go with the flow and leave it to God
And we ended up with the best prize

At times we achieve success
By giving our heart and soul
But yet we crave for more
It eats at us till we are old

We will also be faced
In time with different options
Mostly we refrain in vain
Sometimes we yield to temptations

Sometimes we work too hard
We got caught in the race for power
Its nice at times to be reminded
To stop and smell the flower

I guess all I am saying
Is that this life is just so fantastic
The pain, the joy, the failure, the success
Just add to this one great magic!

MY PATH OF LIFE

My path of life
Is difficult to construe
I thought I had it figured out
Turns out I never had a clue

My path of life
Flows many courses in different directions
At times it takes my spirit
And leaves me so numb and broken

My path of life
It has never been very easy
Sometimes the craziest of outcomes
Just makes me so freaking happy

My path of life
Have taken steep turns at every juncture
Ive won a little and Ive lost alot
Regardless... I am now stronger

My path of life
Is really...just one big tease
Should I refrain from what I want
Or indulge in my whims and fancies?

My path of life
It almost came to an end
But I guess it was not meant to be
Maybe The Lord has other plans

My path of life
I guess..its still long way to go
For now.. I'm just journeying on....
And hoping.. for a better tomorrow

Aku yang bodoh...

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana tidak berhenti menangis
Atas kedukaan yang masih tak mampu kutepis

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana aku masih tidak tahu
Siapa diriku dan apa sebenarnya yang kumahu

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana terlalu berharap
Kepada ketentuan yang tidak tetap

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana masih percaya
Kata kata manis dan tipu daya

Aku yang bodoh...
Kerana masih menipu diri sendiri
Dengan mimpi indah dan alam fantasi

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana tidak mampu berkata tidak
Hanya menurut hawa nafsu dan kehendak

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana hari hari terus kubilang
Dengan putus asa yang tidak hilang

Aku yang bodoh..
Kerana membiarkan hatiku terus mati,
Tanpa hasrat, harapan dan sebarang erti
Mungkinkah diriku yang cerdik dahulu
Pergi dan tak akan kembali?

OF LOVE..LUST AND PASSION

The sight of you

Took my breath away
I could never have imagined
That this could be the day

The hardness of your body
Was inviting to touch
The smoothness of your sheen
Made me want you very much

You stood before me
In all grandeur and magnificence
My heart was racing, my palms.. sweating
Can I ride you.. with any confidence?

I lick my quivering lips
And nervously approach your inviting smile
I enter your sleek embrace
And decided.. we can go for miles

I sit in your strong arms
And you excite me to the core
I twist and caress you at just.. the right spot
With that I hear you roar

I think we are both ready now
To experience the ultimate passion
You make me want to be with you all night long
Could this be the end of my innocence?

We are both excited now
Together we can make it happen
They look at us and said "Wow....
"How did she manage to bag this beastly legend?"

Yes.. Yes.. Yes..
I finally achieved the impossible
With you I am now the best
Oh my darling Brad..
My 1.6 Deep Metalllic Red Satria Neo..
Now that we are finally together..
We are indeed unstoppable...

My dear darling readers.. today I finally got my brand new dream car after well.. dreaming about it for so long.. this is a poem in tribute to the joyous and monumental occasion... if you ever at any point of reading this entry started to think about something else.. besides the car.. for the love of God.. get your mind out of the gutter!! Please!! Its just a frigging car!!

A PRAYER

I talk to God
Whenever I feel pain
Though I don't know for sure that He'd listen
I know my efforts are never in vain

I talk to God
Each time I am confused
I sought His guidance, I needed His support
Soon I knew, just which path to choose

I talk to God
When I am upset
He calms me down, He gives me strength
Then..I have the will to forge ahead

I talk to God
When things are at their bleakest
When I'd lost all rhyme & reason
I find the strength to beat the challenges

I talk to God
Everytime I am afraid
He gives me courage, He renews my faith
Immediately..my inhibitions begin to fade

I talk to God
When I needed answers
I may not get them directly
But He sends them through His Messengers

I talk to God
Whenever I feel happy
Success tastes better, memories..even sweeter
When you remember to thank the Al-Mighty

I talk to God
When I spiral out of control
I forgot Him for a very long time
Yet.. He got me back on track & rejuvenated my soul

I talk to God
Whenever I .. just miss Him
Never again will I find another "love"
Who completes me from deep within

I talk to God
It is more than just a prayer
He heals my heart, renews my spirit, protects my soul
Alhamdulillah... my life now is so much better

AT TIMES LIKE THESE...

I tried & I tried.. and its still the same
I never could get better
I never could win this game

Between many choices I stumble & I ponder
Yet whichever path I pursue
I always end up none the wiser

To wish wholeheartedly it becomes obsession
To dare put a glimmer of hope
But never manifest them into actions

To keep at arms length what you desire to embrace
To fear all forms of expectations
Yet end up broken in a daze

I guess theres nothing to do..
its always gonna be this way
I am holding my head high and moving on
And maybe hoping for a better day...

THE AGE OF INNOCENCE

Once I was a child…
So innocent and carefree
Never once did I think of pain
Or how terrible it could be

Once I was a child…
Who had everything in the world
I never wanted anything more
Suffice.. that I was daddy’s little girl

Once I was a child…
Who was truly madly happy
I had my fun.. I played around
And I loved unconditionally

Once I was a child...
Who had no doubts or fears
Coz when things do go awfully wrong
Mommy will wipe away my tears

Once I was a child…
A special gift to my parents
I made mistakes.. I made them proud
But their hearts were always open

Once I was a child…
Who wanted to grow up quickly
I desired freedom, I demanded respect
The world was filled with endless possibilities

Yet…
How could it be.. after all these years
I’m lying here broken, with all these tears?
Innocence shattered.. dreams gone...
Believe disappeared.. hope undone..

Pray as I might, that child is gone
Left in her place is a woman scorned
Maybe soon she too will go
And life can start again in another flow..

AWAKENINGS

Would it be fair..
To say that you know?
Of all that you want
And how things are gonna go

You worked out a plan
You strived to achieve
You stumbled into a wall
Yet you still believed

You developed ambition
You found love
Your life filled with renewed passion
He must be sent from up above

Along the way
Things go awry
Life is hell, your love astray
Can you imagine anything more scary?

You hit rock bottom
You couldn't get up
You thought there's nothing more to life
You just...give up

You forget the joy
You bury the laughter
Those who dare to care
Just makes you even sicker

You spiral out of control
You are desperate to cling on
You wanted so badly to change it all
Yet you are scared to move on

Your path divides
At this very juncture
Faced with 2 choices...
Would one be better than the other?

To be numb to beliefs
Or to dare hope again?
To cling on to bitterness?
Or to let the healing begin?

You may not realise it yet..child
But you are blessed.. you are lucky
When things are at their bleakest
You find the strength of the Al-Mighty

HE paved the path
That you were scared to pursue
HE gives your life a renewed meaning
And slowly you realised just what to do

Your head clears
Your heart heals
Your spirit renewed
Your hope revealed

Slowly you begin
To believe again
To cherish, to love
To accept the things that you cant change

I guess its fair to say then
That age old adage is true
In life..things happen for a reason
Yet HE.. will always be there for you