DAY 1 : RESCUE BY THE NICE LADY

Dear Diary,

Today I had the weirdest, craziest experience in my entire life! It was an adventure, tragedy, comedy, suspense and thriller rolled into one. I was transported into a world of grandeur, a world of intrigue, a world of mystery, charm and magnificence, a world like you've never seen before!!! A world of... oh wait.. actually, that was just a trailer of Clash of the Titans I saw on the large LCD screen at the kedai mamak. Me? I was just transported. Period. Oh well.. you know what they say...us felines can be a tad bimboish dramatic sometimes.

I have not been feeling well lately, and I can't recall much of what happened earlier in the day. I must've fell into a drain somewhere because my fur was wet, dirty and stinky. I was shivering and delirious from hunger and pain the whole time. I did remember catching glimpses of my pesky, ugly brother sucking up to mommy and stealing my food though. But I was too tired to do anything about it. I was just laying at the staircase. Not an ounce of strength left to move, even though there were plenty of those young punks college kids walking around me who could've been klutzy enough to squash me to a catty pulp with their kasut terompah  Air Nikes and Adidas.

It was then that I suddenly saw a bright red car pulled up and quickly parked in front of where I was laying,.. almost knocking over those annoying student pedestrians along the way. Nice car! Needs better aim though! :P

Suddenly, a lady came out of the car and started walking in my direction. By human standards she was pretty cute. And oohhh... I just love that white jacket. Reminds me of the Armani Spring 09 collection I saw on the piece of catalogue paper some kind human used to wrap the fish and rice strewn my way once.

Not impressed by her automobile navigation skills, I was quite afraid that I may be seeing the end to my short existence and turned into dog food under her 3-inch Nine West Stilettos (in Pearl White). And I was too weak to get out of the way. Oh nooo!!!

Then a miracle happened. She actually stopped before reaching my brother and I. She bent down and just looked at us. She had a nice smile and big fake boobs eyes.She said something. I was too zoned out to hear her properly and whilst I could sort of understand her, it was pretty pointless to respond since she doesn't seem like the type who speaks cat. She then disappeared into the building. And my brother went off to play the only kind of game his minuscule mind and IQ could comprehend; pounce-on-his-own-shadow-and-pretend-its a-mouse. Idiot!

After what seemed like an eternity, the same lady came out and again bent down to stare at me. Geez.. I know I'm cute lady, but didn't your mama ever thought you that it's rude to stare? She started motioning to me and before I knew what was going on, she had called for back up and a strange man with a beard grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and stuffed me into a box, and proceeded to put the box in the red car that belongs to the lady. Wait a minute? Hey..what the heck are they doing? Hey! OMG! I've been kidnapped! These horrible people!! Argghhh!! Hellpppp!!!

I was taken on a ride in that cool red car. Thank god her driving skills seemed a lot better once you are actually IN the car! After what seemed like another eternity of reckless driving and Cute Lady screaming and cursing along the way (she must be a Penang driver..hmmm) we arrived at another place. There I was placed in a box next to a table with Gurkhan bodyguards and was forced by Cute Lady to drink some white stuff that looked like mommy's milk but tasted like daddy's piss. I took a few sips and decided I'd rather have a gin and tonic  the puddle of water on the floor. Cute Lady then disappeared to god knows where and left me with Kind Gurkhan Guard who was happily singing along to some Hindi song which I remember hearing at the kedai mamak as from the movie starring this supposedly famous human they kept calling Shah Rukh Khan. I was still rather scared and kept yelling for mommy and even pesky brother (yes.. I was THAT scared and THAT desperate).

Cute Lady returned after a few hours and again shoved me in a box and put it in the car and took me for another car ride. This time she picked up a couple of other cute but loud and annoying ladies. One kept peering into the box and looking at me with this dopey look. Man, if I'd had any more strength left, I'd have jumped out and gorged her eyes with my sharp claws! Grrr...

Once we reached somewhere, they again left me. This time alone and in the dark and stuffy car! I've never been more afraid in my entire life! Oh god! What did I do to deserve this? I could here some people in the distance. I kept screaming but with the windows almost all up, I didn't think they could hear me. Man, I knew I should've snuck into those human vocal classes and learned a thing of two when I had the chance.

After like another couple of hours they came back, drove off, made a few more pit stops and finally unloaded me into what I presumed was the Cute Lady's home. My fear and trepidation were somewhat eased. Hmm...are they going to make me live here? Did she think that I was so darn cute that she just absolutely had to adopt me? Did she? Did she did she did she?

This is not too bad.. I could get use to this.. its almost The Four Seasons compared to that drain I was living in. Whilst slowly taking in what I hoped would become my new home, I overheard Cute Lady and her friend talking about taking a shower. I almost had to laugh.. it was 1.00 am in the morning (or at least I thought it was.. I'm a cat..we can't tell time:P). What kind of an idiot will get wet and cold by choice at this hour? Hahaha.. humans are such morons.

Then one of them grabbed me, put me in a sink and started pouring warm water all over me. Then it hit me, ohhh.. the shower conversation was meant for me! Crap! And I thought the day couldn't get any worst. I was tired, hungry, scared, confused and pretty much jaded. I felt like I was going to die anytime. And since I was already on the verge of death, I decided not to fight them and endure the shower. I could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel and if I do cross over, at least I'll be doing so feeling clean, fresh and smelling of Lux body shower.

Surprisingly.. the shower ended sooner than I expected. Surprisingly it was not as bad as imagined. If anything it was rather refreshing. And most surprisingly, I didn't die!!! Thank you God! I never wanted to die a virgin. I guess Cute Lady and her friend must've have finally came to their senses and felt guilty for making me endure such torture in the wee hours of the morning. She bundled me up real tight in a nice warm terry cloth towel and gave me a delicious meal of tuna. My first real meal since Michael Jackson was still a black man! Errr..wait..he died as a white woman long before I was born.. nevermind...

I ate as much as I could. And feeling healthier and better, promptly fell asleep next to the food...praying that it would still be there tomorrow. I even hugged the packet real tight..just in case.

Shortly before falling asleep (I pretended to be asleep immediately because Cute Lady's annoying friend was bugging me). I heard Cute Lady telling her friend that I may need another shower tomorrow. If it hadn't been such a long day and if I hadn't been so tired, I would've made a dash for it and disappeared into the night..right then and there! Four Seasons or not...Cute Lady sounded awfully nuts! But I prefer not to think about it just yet. I'll deal with that when the time comes. For now, I'm going to sleep and dream of warm beds and tunas three times my size. Ahhh.. pure bliss!

I guess it wasn't such a terrible day after all. Maybe Cute Lady and her friend had good intentions and simply wanted to save me. Maybe it's a lot better living away from pesky dumb brother.. maybe I'm better off without mommy (let's see if I can charm Cute Lady into becoming my new mommy)...maybe I'll get yummy tuna everyday.. maybe I will get to live in such comfortable surroundings for the rest of my life...maybe I'll never fall into another drain...maybe Samy Vellu's hair is real...maybe I'm actually Elvis reincarnate..maybe....zzzzzzzzzzzz