10 EASY STEPS TO DREAMLAND

I used to suffer from severe depression. Bet you couldn't tell by my crazy eyes that stare at people weirdly sometimes looking at me now can you? Hah! Damn, I'm pelakon drama Melayu RTM a good actress! The uncool thing about this problem is that on top of sudden emotional outbursts, crying spells and feeling like killing your boss yourself all the time, you also suffer from lack of sleep for the most part. In fact I remember being deprived of this fundamental necessity to the human body for close to a year...:(

Thankfully, I am all better now..so please don't start looking at me all funny like I'm the (hot, sexy, gorgeous female version of) Norman Bates reincarnate, expect me to start mumbling incoherently to myself or laugh maniacally for no apparent reason. I was just depressed people.. not crazy! J Anyways whilst the depression has pretty much left me alone for a while now, in the past couple of weeks I've started finding it extremely difficult to sleep again, no matter how much wild, crazy, passionate, vigorous sex I indulge in I tire myself out before hand. Rather than get all worked out about this little problem, I've found some fun things to do to kill time in the wee hours of the morning. And as a result have developed a step by step instruction that is surely to get me (and now you) a trip into dreamland in no time. Enjoy!

1. Get the thickest most thought-provoking book you can find and start reading.
   
   
2. Get frustrated with the comprehension required in the middle of the night and throw book against wall.
   
   
3. Get an American supermarket tabloid instead, and start reading the latest alien abduction stories and 'Brangelina' gossip.
   
   
4. Get insulted with tabloid's outlandish nonsense, wonder how much dumber can Americans get and fling magazine to the furthest corner of room.
   
   
5. Get a calculator, pen, paper and ruler and start measuring the length, speed and velocity of both throws.
   
   
6. Realise that measurements should be counted DURING and not AFTER the throw and that having failed Physics in SPM more than ten years ago, had no blinking clue what you were doing anyways.
   
   
7. Keep all items, sit up in bed and start reflecting in deep contemplation and with great remorse about why you failed Physics in SPM more than ten years ago.
   
   
8. Remember all the fun cool things you did whilst ditching Physics classes (like going to the mall, sleeping at the sick bay, climbing up trees, swapping movie posters with friends from other classes etc) and realise that you'd rather not be a science geek, smart in Physics anyways.
   
   
9. Decide that while you are at it, you'd rather not be a paper pushing corporate slave working for a slutty aging, wacky bimbo with the five-inch make-up quit your job and become a professional salsa dancer, get up and start practicing your killer moves around the room.
   
   
10. Bump your head, knock into the wall, smash into the bedside table and saw that it was already 6.30 am. Start thinking about the best possible excuse to get an MC for the day. Text your colleague about it and go to bed!

-THE END-

TOP TEN QUESTIONS YOU DO NOT ASK YOUR REAL ESTATE AGENT

Yesterday, one of my dearest friends took the plunge and made what is perhaps the most important decision in his life.

He bought a house. A condo to be exact.

Congratulations Feisal! I'm so proud of you. Nanti buat housewarming jemput aku melantak makanan sedap sedap okay?!! Congrats also to diyanazman for purchasing their first and also dream house late last year. Macam biasa..cepat pindah, buat housewarming masak sedap2 jemput aku melantak!! They are not the first though coz I also have friends my age who are able to collect properties like I collect stamps (err not that I actually engage in this ridiculously boring and nerdy hobby... but you get the picture). Congrats to all of you for leading a good life. I pray that you shall continue to be successful and prosperous. Nanti bila lagi kaya leh belanja aku makan lagi..yeargh! Anyways.. since Feisal started working more than a year after I did, it got me thinking that may be its time I start getting serious about my finances too (jangan asyik nak joli katak jaaa) and invest in a property of my own. After seriously contemplating this idea for all of two seconds I decided "naaahhh.. I'd rather buy a new Coach handbag or an i-phone". Regardless, this whole property mania that has snared my friends has got me thinking about meeting real estate agents and the conversations you SHOULDN'T have with them. Below are some excerpts.

1. I like to sunbathe in the buff on the balcony while singing a Jonas Brothers song at the top of my lungs, will that be a problem to the other residents in this building?
   
   
2. Where is the big store for my bullets, machetes, M16s and dynamites?
   
   
3. I'm actually Batman by night time. Does this place have a walk-in closet big enough for my Batsuits? All 300 of them?
   
   
4. Can I pay half of the monthly mortgage with my pubes? I'm a celeb, they are worth alot of money!!
   
   
5. Can I kill my neighbours if I don't like them? No? How about just causing them some grieve bodily harm? Puuhhhlleeesssseeee!!!!
   
   
6. Isn't this place supposed to come with a toilet robot to wipe your ass?
   
   
7. How thin are these walls and how cute are the neighbours next door?
   
   
8. Say...someday I got super depressed and decide to kill myself...can I die from jumping off the balcony on this floor or will I just break a couple of bones?
   
   
9. If I buy this house, can you promise me that you'd come stay over sometimes? I get very very lonely..
   
   
10. Do you think the next door neighbours will mind if I borrow their underwear from their washing line sometimes? I promise I'll only do it when I'm completely out.

UP IN THE AIR, George Clooney

Depth and perception in subtle simplicity

The Intro
It's strange how you can sometimes find the coolest of movies in the most unlikely of places. I was mid-way through devouring my nasi padpik and telur dadar in Santai, when the DVD guy approached me, bearing his tray of offerings; the latest movies in pirated DVD technology. Knowing that I'd be a bored old hermit relaxing at home that night, I picked the first movie in the tray with a sexy hot male on the cover and that is how I ended up with Up in the Air the latest flick by George Clooney. :P

The Spoiler
Adapted from the book of the same title by Walter Kirn, and directed by Jason Reitman (of the Juno fame) Up in the Air tells the story of Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) a corporate downsizer who travels the country firing employees on behalf of employers who were too big of a chicken to do it themselves.

It may sound completely and utterly depressing to you and me, but Bingham totally enjoyed his job and his care-free life of being constantly "up in the air". So much so that he couldn't imagine living any other way. With his uncanny ability to break the dreaded news in the most diplomatic and encouraging way possible, Bingham was always able to minimise the damage to both the fired individual and their respective employers. He also moonlights as a motivational speaker famous for his 'What is in your backpack? Philosophy', a metaphoric manifestation of his baggage-free existence which he preached time and again to his listeners. During one of his constant travels he met his match in Alex Goran (Vera Farminga), a frequent traveller who also seemed to be married to her work. Soon they began planning their travel schedules around each other to enable them to continue on their commitment-free travel-rendezvous.

Upon his return to the headquarters, Bingham's perfectly ordered and commitment-free existence was knocked into disarray when his boss Craig Gregory (Jason Bateman) announced that soon, all of the "firing squad" will be grounded, thanks to a new technology that enabled termination via video-conferencing from the head office. The new method, introduced by a young and ambitious go-getter Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) promised to save the company a lot in flight and hotel costs of the consultants. As someone who travels over 300 days in a year Bingham was dumbfounded and decided to fight against this decision. During one of the meetings with the boss, he was asked to bring Keener along on his last trip around the country to enable them to see and learn from each other's perspective of doing things. What followed was a series of hilarious and entertaining adventures and revelations that threatened to change Bingham's very beliefs and philosophies.


The Plot Review
Okay so I've babbled on and on and you may think I've sum up the entire movie and thus spoilt it for you. But you thought wrong! Hah! The first two paragraphs were only the beginning of the movie and barely touched on the plot and character development at all. You may also thing that this is a typical rom-com and that you kinda know roughly how the ending is going to be. Again.. you thought wrong. Hah! :P

Up in the Air is more of a dramedy (sounds like a weird and depressing contagious disease eh! :P); which is a thought-provoking drama and entertaining comedy rolled into one, hence the awful-sounding term. With quirky fast-moving dialogues (which reminds me of the rapid fire banter in the Gilmore Girls) and a smooth flowing story line, the movie will capture your attention and also make you examine in greater depth the many philosophies that you may have adopted in life just to lead a comfortable, routine and pain-free existence. I absolutely loved how they can make the story light and entertaining yet profound at the same time; especially the ending where Bingham finally realised that in life you couldn't have it all and that your previous decisions and choices may have a greater impact on your desires than you realise. You cannot win from the bad choices you made (unlike typical rom-com or most movies where you will not necessarily have to pay after a grave mistake/ bad decision) but you can learn from it, move on and do better next time. That is the best lesson you will take away from the movie.

The movie also taught us that sometimes we can sacrifice so many things in our life just to chase one single important dream. Yet when the time comes it may not mean so much to you anymore and you will not be as happy as you thought you would be, probably because you have lost so much along the way in trying to get there. In the movie, Bingham had only one dream, which is to achieve the 10 million mark in his frequent flyer miles. This has only been achieved by six individuals before. The perks of achieving this include having your name emblazoned in platinum plaque on the inside of the plane and the pilot joining you for a chit chat and a drink. During his private moment with the pilot, Bingham who has suffered rejection and disappointment, went even as far as to say,

"You know.. I waited so long for this moment and thought how wonderful it was going to be. But it is not as great as I thought it would be after all."

I know I've felt that way many times and I am so sure many of you can relate. The movie also explored Bingham's relationship with his family when he dropped by for his sister's wedding. There are a few tear jerker moments and a touching ending to this sub-plot that you will really enjoy.


The Acting
As far as the acting goes, when you put a super hunk and charming A-lister like Clooney playing a super hunk charming A-lister character that so resembles Clooney, you are bound to do no wrong. I sincerely believe that Clooney didn't have to do much acting on this one. He just had to flash that super sexy smile, don a Hugo Boss or Armani business suit, act all charming, flirty and a tad vulnerable and voila! he's Ryan Bingham. The best part about this movie is that there aren't that many actors. Just three main cast, (George Clooney, Vera Farminga and Anna Kendrick) one memorable extra (Jason Bateman) and the rest are just extras that added flavour to the movie. Kinda like your ajinomoto. I think both Farminga and Kendrick held their own against Clooney's uber strong super star presence and great acting. I especially loved the part when Alex told Ryan, "I'm exactly like you, except with a vagina," Anna Kendrik's portrayal of Natalie Keener as a feisty, ambitious, driven yet soft and hopelessly romantic was also noteworthy. It's weird how she reminds me so much of myself at 23. Although of course I've never bawled in public to my boss/ colleague after being dumped. Heck I've never even been dumped! :P

The Cinematography and All Those Other Technical Stuff
Since this is not one of those action thriller/sci-fi/ epic kind of movie there is not much to comment on the cinematography, special effects etc (no you don't have to wear a 3D glasses for this one). But do pay close attention to the opening scenes showing Bingham travelling through airport security, baggage check and boarding the plane. The director utilised a series of close up shots in rapid succession which I found to be not only different but also captivating. Combined with the lead character's narrative, it really achieved its purpose of showing Bingham's expert and professional way of travelling, with a touch of corporate class.


My Semi-coherent Conclusion
Unlike the previous movie I reviewed (Philadelphia) this is a very new movie that you can still catch at the cinema. So if you are having one of those stressful days at work, where you feel like you are a complete corporate slave who has presented his mortal soul to The Devil on a silver platter, don't go drown your sorrows in a pub somewhere. Watch this movie instead and come back with a renewed faith and fresh perspective to life.

THE SORROW THAT NEVER LEFT

Sleepless night
Painful dreams
Things of the past
Or so it seems

Ultimate pleasure
Blissful contentment
Giddy illusions
Of a heart lay dormant

A world of wealth
A dream of ambitions
Tricks to the mind
That the curse is broken

Strength in numbers
Comfort in kinship
Hippocratic vows
Of meaning so deep

Search of the heart
Purification of the soul
Futile attempts
For a sadness too old

Hope for tomorrow
Believe it's here
Burying the pain
Seemed so much easier

No doubt in my mind
Its finally so clear..
Try as I might
It wouldn't disappear

So you stopped praying
It would go away
And embrace the sorrow
That is here to stay...

10 MUAY THAI COMMANDMENTS

Yesterday, the uber-awesome place where I work was appointed as the official medical sponsor/ treatment provider for a Muay Thai competition called The Road to The Challenger 1 which took place in Sunway Pyramid from 3.00 pm to 10.00 pm. The international exhibition match was held in collaboration with Persatuan Muay Thai Malaysia, as part of the promotion for The Contender Asia Season 2 programme, which will be premiering on AXN in August 2010. As the kuli batak official PR rep and main coordinator of the programme, I had the opportunity to watch a live full Muay Thai match for the first time in my life! I must say, it was a super cool and highly entertaining experience, especially since our medical professionals were kept busy with the continuous injuries of the boxers in almost every round. My responsibilities in the event accorded me with some great privileges such as sitting by the side of the ring which gave me an excellent view of the whole match from every angle. Despite it being my first time, my great vantage point caused my complete immersion in the sport. As a result, I am now privy to the Ten Commandments that have been and should be adopted by contenders and viewers alike. Call it your lucky day because I am sharing these with you!

1. Thou shall not wear pink frilly shorts to compete... and expect to win.
   
   
2. Thou shall not cheer for the little kid in the opponent team... just because he had a super hot coach/ elder brother.
   
   
3. Thou shall also not ogle at the same hot coach/ brother.
   
   
4. Thou shall not incorporate Gelek Gerudi Inul into the Hormat Gelanggang Opening Dance ritual.
   
   
5. Thou shall not fall off the side of the ring....on to the medical doctors on standby.
   
   
6. Thou shall endure the extremely lame jokes (kalau peserta tak ikut disiplin, itu bukan Muay Thai, itu main bantai!!WTF??) and bad English of the emcees even if thou feel like throwing things at them with utmost calm and composure.
   
   
7. Thou shall guard thee's sights and not stare at the crotch area of the extremely sexy and scantily clad contenders.
   
   
8. Thou shall not taunt thee's opponent only to get knocked out within 10 seconds of the first round.
   
   
9. Thou shall succeed in the ultimate test of patience and endurance and resist the urge to show thee's middle finger to the bunch of uncivilised men from that God forsaken Eastern state who were yelling and talking non-stop in that God forsaken accent.
   
   
10. Thou shall bask in the glory and memusing gelanggang dengan gaya yang penuh berlagak nak mampos nationalistic pride by doing 10 push-ups in rapid succession after knocking out the Burmese opponent who happened to be 12 years younger in the final round.
 

 

PHILADELPHIA, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Antonio Banderas

Warning : This is a review of a super old and irrelevant movie .. you can't watch this in the cinema (in fact you may not even be able to find it in most DVD shops!!)

Every once in a while, I would feel this strong need to shut out the rest of the world, be completely alone and spend time in deep thought or engaging in some meaningful activities...such as going to the DVD shop and purchasing a pirated DVD of one of my old favourite movies!! Last weekend was one such period. Feeling in the mood for Tom Hanks, (his movie that is.. although looking at how hot he still is now.. I could've been in the mood for him in THAT way too ;)), I  set out on a mission to get Forrest Gump and ended up buying Philadelphia :P!

 

When the movie came out in 1993, I was only 11 years old and remember thinking how this would be a cool movie to watch (I probably didn't know Tom Hanks that well then, but any movie with long courtroom drama has always appealed to the lawyer-wannabe in me). I only watched it two years later though. Back then I totally loved it and cried at all the touching parts. So one might think that 15 years down the road, watching it again as an adult, I would be able to grasp the significance of the storyline to a greater degree and thus enjoy the movie better right?

Wrong!!!

This is a movie about Andrew Beckett (Tom Hanks), a young, up-and-coming lawyer in one of the top law firms in Philadelphia. Shortly after a promotion and being entrusted with one of the firm's biggest case, Andrew, who was a closeted homosexual, was diagnosed with AIDS and subsequently fired from his high-flying career. Although the reason given was his incompetency, Andrew later found out that he was dismissed because of his stigmatised health condition. Following this, Andrew brought legal action against his former employers and engaged the help of Joe Miller (Denzel Washington), a small-time 'ambulance-chasing' street lawyer, (after being turned down by numerous other firms). What ensued was a long and dramatic courtroom battle between Beckett and his former firm which ended in him winning the case but later succumbing to the disease.



With its team of A-list cast and a strong premise, it would have been fair to hope for one of the greatest most impactful genre-bending movies of all time. But alas.. such hope, no matter how fair it may seemed at first will definite fall short of one's expectations. Despite its promising start, the movie took a downhill turn from that point onwards. Speeding up through the important scenes (i.e. when Andrew was first diagnosed with HIV and how his condition started deteriorating thereon) and languishing painfully at irrelevant ones (the gay party scene and Andrew's opera-singing soul-revelation scene). Also, his relationship with his boyfriend Miguel Alvarez (Antonio Banderas) and his sexual habits were so sketchily depicted (although the scene where Miguel rushed to the hospital and started touching Andrew's face tenderly, asking whether he was alright was kind of cute), that one may not be able to really identify with this character in the first place, let alone sympathise with him as the story progresses.

The most disappointing part was the courtroom drama. I may be wrong but I believe that in a movie such as this, the courtroom battle is one of the most fundamental components of the movie. Doing it well will take the movie to great heights in depth and impact whilst having a mediocre set of courtroom scenes will just destroy the movie completely. It was the latter in Philadelphia. Maybe I am biased and maybe the super tight, fast-paced and factually strong legal drama of later years from great shows such as The Practice and Boston Legal have raised the bar too high that it is more difficult to impress a lay person/ courtroom drama fanatic/ lawyer buruk wannabe like me. But I was so disappointed and was almost bored during the court proceedings. It started strong with discerning opening remarks from Andrew's lawyer, Joe Miller and the defense lawyer Belinda Conine (Mary Steenburgen). But it fizzled out quickly soon after. The cross-examinations did not make any sense. The objections were cutesy and tame, at best. The lawyers looked more like amateur and stoned out presenters in a primary school class-room debate than fierce, high profile civil litigators, and the correlation between the allegations of the plaintiff and the supporting evidence was never established. For the most part, you would sit through each legal scene painfully, urging the characters to start giving you more. But you would be disappointed time and again. The best part of the courtroom scenes was when Andrew suddenly collapsed in the courtroom after his testimony. But the worst has got to be when the judgement and award of damages were announced. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in a movie where its entire premise and core goal have been about winning a legal battle against discrimination, the most impactful scene would've been the verdict and the award of the sum of damages, right? Call it predictable or formulaic but reading out the verdict and watching the winner jump for joy or members of the courthouse scream in outrage are some of the most influential scenes in any movie, period! Alas, you will not get this in Philadelphia as the movie cuts to the end of jury deliberation and later to the polling of the jury after the verdict and award of damages have been read!! Like most people, I couldn't care less whether it was a unanimous decision or not but I would have loved to hear the following words :

Judge : Madam foreperson, have the jury reached the verdict?
Foreman : We have your honour.
Judge : Very well, what say you?
Foreman : In the matter of XX v ZZ, we the jury, find in favour of the plaintiff...


Yay! People laugh, people scream, people cry and everybody go home happy!!

There were also many procedural inaccuracies in the courtroom proceedings. But these are too technical to get into.Perhaps some brilliant legal eagles can spot them. Like I said, being a former dedicated kaki ponteng law student, I am anal about such things.

The movie's saving grace was the commendable acting from its lead and supporting cast, as well as the cinematography. Hanks as expected did a great job as Andrew Beckett. It is no surprise that he won the Best Actor Oscar for this. Likewise, Denzel Washington was phenomenal as the conservative, homophobe who was also a compassionate street litigator. Having said that, I was expecting more of a clumsy, cocky and unpolished kind of lawyer from Washington. But I guess, he didn't have much to work with as the script and flow of the legal scenes were hopelessly boring. There's nothing much to be said about Banderas's Alvarez, as he didn't appear much in the movie. But hey, who knew that Banderas could look so young and jambu back in the days? Hahaa..

It is not all bad. There were some great scenes that could remind you of why Philadelphia was touted as an A-List movie. For example, the library scene where Miller finally decided to take on Beckett's case was splendidly done, showcasing the synergy and chemistry of both actors at its best. The movie was also one of the first big budget commercial films to take on the controversial subject matter of HIV/AIDS and homosexuality. And it managed to do so with finesse and simplicity without the usual exploitation of sexual orientation and sensationalism. Even Andrew's relationship with Miguel was seen as sweet, strong and somewhat believable. Although I must say, I was rather surprised when I heard the homophobic bigotry coming out from Miller's (Washington's) mouth and how he and the movie producers/ directors could have gotten away with it. Should the same movie with similar dialogues be produced and released today, the GLBT community would've definitely thrown a hissy fit and demanded a complete ban on such a discriminatory film! Shows how far we've come in the evolution of social perception :).

Another great thing about this movie is the awesome soundtrack "Streets of Philadelphia" by the ever-so-sexy Bruce Springsteen, which won the Best Song Oscar. The song created a subdued and melancholic feel to the movie which worked really well, especially during the beautiful opening credits.

Regardless, I was still extremely disappointed. Although some may find the closing scene (a silent old home video footage of Andrew as a healthy child) to be a great and touching finale, I still feel that the movie left so much more to be desired, and by the time the credits started rolling, I was left to ponder "Huh? How on earth did I ever find this movie to be so superb?" I guess the only rational conclusion is that growing up just broaden your perspective and changed your view on things. Oh well.... let's see how I'd feel when watching The Little Mermaid next.

SPOILER ON UPCOMING REVIEW

I will be reviewing a super old movie soon.. clue : its an oscar nominated movie starrring Tom Hanks and he won Best Actor for that movie... tungggguuuuu...

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